I have completed cancer treatment and by all measures things are going well.

Presuming there are no nasty surprises lurking in the future, I am cured. Of course it’s too early to presume that, but I can hope.

Though I continue having minor challenges breaking in the new stomach, these seem too inconsequential to warrant a blog post.

I have decided end the blog with this post.

Once again, I would like to thank all of you who have stood by us during this ordeal.

I can never tell you how important this has been for us.

Thank you.

I keep telling them there isn’t anything to report and if they wanted to know how I’m doing they could just ask.  After all, I am standing right there.

But they insist on a blog update.  So here it is.

I am finally off the nasty drug lorazapam.  After very gradually reducing the dosage to 1/4 of a milligram a day I finally went cold turkey.  I felt rather shake for a few days but everything is fine now.

I continue to feel better all the time.

I’m still fatigued at times, but overall have more energy.  Some days are better than others, but for the most part life is going well.

I still have an upset stomach fairly frequently, but it is manageable.  It seems that with only a small pouch, rather than a full size stomach, gas pressure builds up rapidly.  It’s nothing a good belch can’t cure.  Actually the belch is more like a retch, but it feels much better afterwards.

That’s probably more than you wanted to know.  Blame John and Clarence.  They are the ones who made me do this.

Every year we get a cord of wood which I stack into a neat cube, as you can see to your left.

If you would like to see how I stack it (and I don’t know why you would) you can see my “How to stack a wood pile in a way that it doesn’t fall down.”  Youtube video.

You can see it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU_ipcbZUPI

At last count the video has been watched 20,300 times.

“What does stacking wood have to do with recovering from cancer treatment?” you ask.

A lot.

The main thing being that I have enough energy and stamina to do it.  Well, maybe not stamina so much.  It took me a day and a half, with lots of breaks, to get it stacked.

But the point is I got it stacked.

What was nice is it seemed to make the neighbors feel good to see me out there stacking wood.  Several commented on how I must be feeling much better to be taking on such a project.

They are right.

I pointed out this was because everything was fine and there wasn’t anything to post about.  He wasn’t satisfied.  John agreed with him.  John said he checks the blog five or six times a day and was disappointed to find nothing new.

Five or six times a days?  I don’t think so.  He watches me swim laps for forty minutes every day and must notice I’m not at deaths’ door.  John exaggerates, sometimes even lies.

But peer pressure is irresistible, so I am posting.

I already mentioned that the results of my CAT scan showed no new cancer, which is obviously good news.  Since then we’ve met with Dr Ey, the oncologist, who says being cancer free after the one year from surgery CAT scan is major good news.  If the cancer is going to reappear it is most likely to have shown up within the first year, which it hasn’t.

After that the odds of it coming back dramatically drop.  That doesn’t mean the danger is past, but it does mean things are looking very good.

I have been having challenges with acid reflux, which is basically really bad heart burn.  Actually it’s more complicated than that, but that gives you the general idea.  This is something I’m going to be coping with for the rest of my life.

Managing acid reflux is basically a balancing act.

I need to eat many small meals, that are evenly spaced throughout the day, that don’t include too many foods that are hard on my stomach.  What is hard on my stomach can change from day to day or hour to hour.  Which makes it a challenge.

I also am trying to stabilize my stomach by taking digestive enzymes, probiotics, and various other over the counter medications that keep my tummy from tumbling into terrible trouble.  Also known as the 4 T’s.

Keeping this all in balance is something I will master over time, but at the moment it is a struggle.

As I’d mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been having trouble withdrawing from the medication Lorazapam.  I’ve been cutting back the dose very gradually and am now down to 1/4 of a milligram per day.  The gradual withdrawal is working.  I’m confident I can kick this drug without too much trouble.

Unfortunately, I am now addicted to butter rum flavored life savers, which I now buy in bulk.

Thanks a lot Carl.

The hero of the story is faced with three doors.  He gets whatever is behind one of the doors.  Two of the doors have something awful behind them, the third something wonderful.

Today I lived the story.

Earlier this week I went in for my one year post surgery CAT scan.  The possible results constituted the three doors.

Door Number One:  Treatment didn’t work, the cancer had spread, I am going to die.

Door Number Two:  They found something in the results that is very concerning, but aren’t certain what it means.  They want to monitor it with frequent CAT scans, which means we will be nervous wrecks until it gets figure out.

Door Number Three:  There is no sign of cancer and everything is fine.

We just got the results of the CAT scan.

And the door that was opened was … DOOR NUMBER THREE!!!

The CAT scan showed no signs of cancer.  If this type of cancer returns it’s usually fairly soon, so this is really good news.

Though it is a tremendous relief to get these results, they were not entirely surprising.  Though I’m still experiencing some rocky moments, I have felt unusually good these past few weeks.

My energy level is up, I have more endurance, and I have a greater enthusiasm for life.

On some level that I can not explain, I just knew I didn’t have cancer.  I just sensed that it was not sucking the life out of me.

And it felt good.

Admittedly, when most people say they had a good week their week didn’t include fatigue, retching, and vomiting.  But I live by a different standard.

This week was good because I just overall felt better.  More energy, more stamina, more zest for life.

My stomach has not been continually upset, I could eat most meals with out my stomach revolting at the beginning of the meal, and I just generally felt better.

I don’t have an explanation for why things are better.  It might be because I stopped taking Zofran.  Or maybe because I am gently easing of of Lorazapam.  Or maybe it’s just a quirk of fate.

Whatever the cause, it is encouraging.

This is what I look like after not having had my hair cut for over a year.

The chemo made most of my hair fall out, though not enough to make it worth shaving my head.  When it grew back it had more curls than at any time in my life.

There are two schools of opinion about whether the hair will remain curly.  Some people say it will.  Others say that as you get it cut it will revert to how curly it was before.

Time will tell.

My energy level is up, digestion is OK, and I’ve got more of an ability to drink water than I’ve had in months.

That is really nice.

The “down” has mostly been from problems withdrawing from the drug Lorazapam, which I referred to in my last post.

When I needed drugs for nausea to just get me through the day they had me on Lorazapam three times a day.  It was pretty awful.

It filled my brain with a cotton ball substance so thick that thoughts could not penetrate it.  I couldn’t follow what people were saying and the stuff I came up with to say didn’t make much sense. At least that’s what I am told.

It was like buying a severe mental handicap in a bottle.  And I was paying good money for it.

I stopped taking the stuff except at bedtime.  Lorazapam made it easier to sleep and I didn’t mind so much not thinking clearly when I was asleep.

I got to liking the stuff a bit too much and soon realized drug dependency was one of its many characteristics.

I tried tapering off from 1 mg at night to 0.5 mg.  That wasn’t too bad.  However when I totally went of it I got really sick.

Sleeplessness, inability to find words, fuzzy brain, nausea, and vomiting.  It was ugly.

I’m now back on 0.5 mg and doing much better.

My plan is continue with the 0.5 mg but gradually shave small amounts off the pill with a razor blade.  I figure if I cut back gradually enough it will trick my body into not noticing the drug is going away.

I hope my body is dumb enough to fall for that trick.  I am trusting all of you to not tip it off to what I am doing.

It seems there should be a cool name for shaving pills to gradually reduce drug dosage.  Something like “pill blading” or “dose slicing”, but I’m not aware of any such commonly accepted phrase.

If there were such a phrase the English language would be better for it.  Unfortunately, I have enough on my hands without trying to fix our language at the same time.

So to wrap up, I’m gradually withdrawing from a nasty drug, feeling pretty good considering the circumstances, and noticing that life is generally getting better.

It helps to know that you are still reading the blog and sending positive thoughts.  It is greatly appreciated.

Embarrassing.

None-the-less, I figure it is not too late. I’ll just pretend I was saving it for this post. Which, of course, I was.

Though I felt crappy for a few days after the infusion the beneficial effects seem to be kicking in. I am already less fatigued. This should get even better over the next few weeks.

In other words, I will soon be a full fledged Iron Man.

Adding balance to this good news is that I am experiencing Lorazapam withdrawal.

Lorazapam is usually used as an anti-anxiety medication. In my case it was prescribed for it’s anti-nausea benefits.

I stopped using it during the day because it made me stupid. I continued taking it before bed because it settled my stomach, made it easier to sleep, and being stupid is less important when you are asleep.

I started to realize it was making it too much easier to sleep. I was looking forward to it a bit too much.

I decided it was time to look into it more. I learned people easily became dependent on the drug as well as it having tons of really nasty long term side effects.

I decided it was time to say goodbye to my new friend.

At my doctors’ recommendation, I reduced my dose by fifty percent for a week, then totally stopped taking it.

Some of the potential side effects of withdrawal are decreased appetite, difficulty sleeping, rapid weight loss, anxiety, nausea, and vomiting.

I’ve had all of these, but can’t tell which are from the lorazapam withdrawal and which are just left over from the cancer treatment. I’m hoping it’s the lorazapam withdrawal because the symptoms would likely go away quicker. I think.

I’ve also been concerned about my weight loss.

I am now at 167 pounds, which is at the lower end of what a healthy weight is for someone my height and body build. I’ve been losing about two pounds a month and nothing I’ve tried so far has stopped the loss.

None of my doctors seem particularly concerned. I think a self regulating mechanism will kick in pretty soon and my weight will stabilize. I’ll be relieved when it does.

On an unrelated topic, my hair is growing back thicker, darker, and curlier. Combined with my trim physique I am looking pretty sharp.

Everyone comments on how good I look, which I can see it in the mirror. So along with everything else I’ve had to deal with I now have to cope with vanity.



As you can see, it had to be plugged into my arm since there is no longer a port. I had the port removed about six weeks ago.

The reason for my return to Borg reality is because my red blood count is low. I am getting a massive infusion of iron, which is known for building red blood cells.

If this works, and it should, I will will feel better and have less fatigue.

The whole process takes four hours, so I should be out of here in about fifteen minutes.

This is good other than it is hot outside and I’m rather enjoying the air conditioning. The cool comfort almost makes it worth being hooked up to a tube.

I know, most of you don’t give a rip about what I eat.

But in Linda H’s last comment she said “Please post more food fantasies-turned realities as the weeks goes on. It helps us enjoy our food more!”.

So if you don’t want to read about my eating habits, blame her.

I had a strawberry waffle this morning. It was wonderful. Not as wonderful as the recent hamburger, but wonderful none-the-less.

The image to the left is a picture of the actual waffle. I took the picture with my iPhone. The iPhone is my favorite new toy.

Anne and I have somewhat of a ritual of getting fresh strawberry waffles at Davidson’s Family Restaurant in Tigard. Most of their food is typical family restaurant fare, but their fresh strawberry waffles are exceptional.

Anne and I have had breakfast there, during strawberry season, for years. Many many years, in fact.

One of my customized hypnosis mp3′s specifically implanted in my subconscious that one day soon I would be able the enjoy a strawberry waffle.

That day was today.

]]> http://garyolson.info/2011/06/15/strawberry-waffles/feed/ 12 http://garyolson.info/2011/06/13/i-ate-a-hamburger/?&owa_medium=feed&owa_sid= http://garyolson.info/2011/06/13/i-ate-a-hamburger/#comments Mon, 13 Jun 2011 16:15:27 +0000 admin http://garyolson.info/?p=699 Continue reading →]]> I know, for you eating a hamburger is nothing.  An every day experience.  But for me it was a milestone.

When I was being fed through a tube sticking into my neck, not taking any calories by mouth, hamburgers were a re-occurring fantasy.

I’d imagine the meat cooking, putting the sandwich together, that first bite.  I’d run the fantasy over and over in my head.

Yesterday I went to a birthday party that featured barbecued hamburgers and hot dogs.  It was difficult to choose.  I’ve been craving hot dogs as well, and they would be less challenging to digest, but I decided to go for it.

I chose the hamburger.

They had large buns which I generously slathered with mayonnaise, built on a bed of lettuce, added two generous slabs of tomato, topped with the hamburger patty, covered with sweet pickle relish, and slathered with Heinze catsup.

Now that is what I consider a classic hamburger.  It was wonderful.

I can not tell you how much pleasure it gave me to bite into this masterpiece.  And what is amazing is I was almost able to eat the whole thing.  Almost.

It was quite the experience.

Greasy mayonnaise and catsup leaked out onto my fingers and had to be surreptitiously removed with my tongue.  Surreptitiously because Anne has this thing about using napkins, particularly in public.

Personally I find finger licking part of the artistry of the perfect hamburger.

I was discreet, but I licked.

I can not imagine my week getting any better than taking the first bite into that wonderful burger.

But who knows, the week is young.

I haven’t been suddenly hungry in over ten months.  It was a full fledged low blood sugar attack.

Light headed, wobbly knees, ravenous appetite.

I stopped gardening and headed for the kitchen.  I actually scarfed food, which wasn’t a good idea.  I knew at the time it wasn’t a good idea, but I couldn’t stop.

After I ate a bit my head cleared and I stopped being wobbly.  The blood sugar had returned to normal.

I see this as an extremely good sign.

It means my body’s natural regulating systems are kicking back online.  My body is saying “enough already with all this weight loss”.

This has happened to me twice over the past week.  I’ve also gained half a pound over the same amount of time.

Slowly but surely things are returning to normal.

It was a wonderful trip.

It was difficult keeping my calories up during the five hour drive.  Moving cars are notoriously challenging for sensitive stomachs.

Consequently, I didn’t eat as much I would have preferred on the trip over or back.  This might account for some of the weight loss I experienced from the trip.

None-the-less, while there I ate a steak and eggs breakfast, had a Pizza night, and had Thai food.  I don’t recommend LaGrande for Thai food.

Pizza yes, Steak yes, Thai no.

I was pleased with my energy level while in LaGrande.

We did a lot of yard work, which was mostly lawn mowing, weed pulling, and hauling yard debris to recycling.  I got a lot more done than I had expected.

We don’t have a weight scale in LaGrande, so I wasn’t able to track my weight while there.  When we got back I was appalled to learn I’d dropped from 178 pounds to 173.

I’d lost five pounds in seven days!  Yikes!

As I said in my last post, the ideal weight for someone my height and body build is between 167 and 182 pounds.  I’m still within that range, but I get nervous when I have these sudden weight losses.

The good news is that since returning from La Grande my weight has maintained at the 173 pound level.

Another positive is I look pretty darned good at 173 pounds.  Being forced to buy all new clothes makes me look even better.

Without clothes I look pretty scrawny.  Fortunately, there are limited social actives I engage in that do not require clothes.  It works out pretty well that way.

I can see the challenge is going to be balancing how much I exercise, eat, and do other activities.

Eating is the primary challenge and some days are more difficult than others.

Occasionally I can eat a relatively large meal in a reasonable amount of time.  More often it takes me about an hour to eat a meal or even drink a glass of milk.

Considering I have to eat five or six times a day this can really cut into my plans.

This limits what I can do.  For example, I will not be running any marathons any time soon. Of course, I wasn’t running any marathons before, so some things haven’t changed.

I didn’t have a picture of myself in my swim suit since I lost so much weight, but I look pretty much like the picture to the left.

Oh, OK, I don’t really look like that, but I’m slimmer and trimmer than I was.

Before I started swimming my weight had stabilized at 180 pounds.  After a week of swimming it dropped to 178.

I figure that’s not a problem since the ideal weight for someone my size is between 167 and 182.

My energy level is continuing to increase and I am actually getting stuff done.

Today we visited Dr. Tseng to have my port surgically removed.  What this means, of course, is that the last of my Borg implants are now gone.

Hooray!

Removing the port was a relatively painless office procedure that only took a few minutes.  Dr. Tseng did it while wearing his business suit.  He’s funny that way.

The only down side is I’m not allowed to swim for a month.  It’s an avoiding infection thing.  Those pool guys are pretty germy.